I'm Married. But I Live Alone. And I Like It.


That title reads a little "disrespectful" (probably) to my husband.  But I think he and I would disagree with anyone who thought so.  Maybe not him a few months ago... But today? I think he would tell you...

"I love The Missus. And she definitely feels the same. Our life is a little eclectic right now. But she's happy and well cared for. And every day she makes sure I am well cared for too. Even if we are hundreds of miles and a whole country apart most of the time."

Or perhaps I am delusional and think that is what he would tell you.  But anyway...  This isn't what I was going to write about in this post. I was going to write about all the stories I keep reading about the "awesomeness" of living alone.

And it is awesome. In my point of view.

I would say 80% of the time, The Husband and I live alone. He up in our townhouse in downtown Toronto.  Me in an apartment in the Chelsea neighborhood of NYC. This started almost exactly six months ago (SIX MONTHS, ALREADY???), and has been going very well.

Why does it work for us?  Well, I think it is because of the following:
  • We both enjoy working. (And unfortunately, I haven't been able to have the kind of career I wanted in Canada. I tried for 2.5 years. Wasn't working for me.) And we work a lot. A LOT.
  • We don't have children. (And have no interest in them.)
  • We don't have pets. (Though we would LOVE a dog.)
  • We have been together 11 years, and married almost 8.
  • We have always put priority on having lives that intersected, but also had independent lives. (I travel with my friends. He has his weekends away with his friends.) This has allowed us to feel like the time we actually set aside for each other (like Date Nights) feel more significant, and not "forced."
  • He just gets me.  And though we were young when we met, he was the only guy to ever really understand me.
I'm not a "girlie-girl." (Well, maybe with shoes and some stuff.) But I have always been adamant about having my own life and not being dependent on him. (Side note: I have NO PROBLEM with women/men who are dependent on their spouses. I've just always known that kind of dependency was a challenge for me... And wasn't ever gonna happen. At least so far. Who knows what the future will bring.) And me wanting to push myself in my own life is something he has always supported.  Even when it meant challenging himself to be "okay" with it.

Which brings me back to the whole "living alone" bit. It is awesome.

I wake up each morning... I shoot him an email wishing him well for the day. We email once or twice during the work day. After work, I go to yoga. He goes to the gym.  I come home, I eat dinner. At about 9:30pm each night, we Skype for about an hour.  And that hour we spend chatting is far more attentive and rich than the hour and a half (maybe) we would see each other at night when we both lived in Toronto.

I don't feel rushed in the morning. I sleep well at night.  The place stays as clean as I want it to stay. It's nice to have just my energy in the space... Not being overwhelmed by the energy of someone else all the time. The Husband is just thrilled to see how much happier I am day-to-day. And when we are in the same city, it's the happiest he's seen me in longer than he can remember.

Do I think this will work for us long-term? I think it could. But I really don't see us living apart for years on end, most of the time. I see us both living in the States together full time. That is years off, as The Husband loves his job... Which is based in Toronto. And he understood it was important for me to have that as well.

I don't do well in shadows.  And I'm lucky he gets that.