It's Okay To Lose Your Shiz In Bikram Class.

I officially started my 30-Day Bikram Yoga Challenge today.  I meant to start it last week. Then I meant to start it this weekend. Then yesterday.

Too many things to deal with at work, which meant practice got sacrificed to exhaustion in each case.  But not from here on out.

I promise.

So clearly, as you can expect, when I entered the hot room tonight, I had a lot of anger built up. Anger which needed to come out.  And boy did it.

Before the class even started, I knew the teacher and I weren't really going to jive well together. And I agree, I should know better. I should be more compassionate with teachers, as I have been on the podium myself. But I really just did not give a flying piece of monkey crap tonight.

Most of the time, I am pretty nice and understanding to people. Even when they are pissing me the hell off.  I don't yell at people. I don't scream. I rarely whine.  I state the problem, ask for help. If I don't get it, I either deal with it, or I get the hell out.

In other words, even though I rant on this blog, I rarely react angrily towards people in the moment. And that is a shame.  Because holding it in most of the time is not ideal.  And when you are in the hot room, with a teacher who you aren't jiving with, pretty much anything they do will piss you off. And since I hold my anger within during these moments normally, tonight I decided to let it out. Verbally. And a little bit with the postures too.

Before the class, the teacher came in to the room. She didn't introduce herself. She didn't ask if anyone had any injuries she should know about.  She did ask if there were new students. There were two. She then went on about the practice and how everyone should try to do the postures. But to also listen to your body to see where you are at today. (So far, totally on par with the normal bits.)

Then she went on for about five minutes about her own practice.  And how she had someone standing in front of her during her practice class today. And how she wanted to get angry about it, but decided to let it go. And that's what we have to do in this class. Not give in to the anger.

She was droning on so much about this, and not in an inspirational way, that we all started to zone out to her words.

"Are you guys paying attention?" she asked. "You look kind of glazed in the eyes."


"Well no effing duh, lady," I thought to myself.

I won't go into too many details with every single thing I wanted to scream at her for; but suffice it to say this woman did not know most of her dialogue. And it showed.  And she kept chiding us that the room "wasn't that hot" (which, true, it wasn't). But why were we all "struggling so much?" she asked.

One of the new girls said, "It's too juicy in here!"  

Yep. The humidity was close to 70%. So we were having a bit of a tough time.

"No big deal. Students are going to have tough days. You encourage them to rest when they need to," I encouraged silently.

But nope. This teacher wasn't having it.  I felt my eyes cross and a sway in my body while I was standing after Triangle. I sat down on my knees to get my sight back.  She came over to me and waved her effing finger a few inches from my face.

I acknowledged the wave, though I saw two fingers.  She told me to get back up. I said, "Nope. I'm all set."

Who invades someone's personal space like that? I was sitting properly. I was breathing through my nose. It was clear that I was struggling, as were other students. You don't chastise a student for struggling and sitting out.

But I decided at that point that it wasn't her, it was clearly me.  And I would just try to get through the class focused on myself.  And ignore her.

Well, I couldn't.

By the time we got to Half Tortoise pose, there was a student who didn't do the posture. They sat like the rest of us. They just didn't do the posture.  I don't know what the reason was for the not doing it, bit it doesn't matter.  After the pose we all swiveled to lie back down on our mats, including the student who sat through the posture.

"Oh no," said teacher. "You don't do Savasana.  You didn't do the posture. You don't have to do Savasana."


"Oh fucking hell no," I thought. Only I didn't "think it." I said it. Not loudly. But loud enough that the two people next to me heard it.

"Are you okay/" one woman asked.

"Yes," I said.  "Sorry."

Here is my issue with what the teacher did...

YOU NEVER TELL A STUDENT TO NOT DO SAVASANA!!!!

Savasana is one of the FUCKING POSTURES!  In fact, in my opinion, it's the MOST IMPORTANT POSTURE. It is not just a "recovery" pose between each posture in the Floor Series.  It is one of the 26. And students should do it every single time.

You do NOT tell a student they shouldn't do it. I don't care how long you've been teaching. Get your shit together, study your dialogue and learn how to connect with human beings.

Now, I know what some of you might be saying to me right now...

"If you let someone steal your peace, then YOU are the loser."

Well, I don't fucking believe that for a fucking second.  There are going to be times where we need to lose our shit.  Most of the time, we should be disciplined-enough to know when to do it and when not to. But I believe it personally okay to lose your cool (because let's face it, it's hot as hell) in a Bikram class.

As a teacher, when I hear teachers teaching nowhere near the words of the dialogue AND giving incorrect information, I am going to lose my shiz. I know plenty of teachers who don't teach the dialogue... But they teach correct information and postures. They understand the foundation of the practice.

This is when I LONG for teachers fresh out of training. Some may fear the newbie teachers... But I love them. They teach dialogue. They don't have an ego about teaching (like me) and think they know what's best. They teach as they have been recently trained. And they are some of my favorite classes as a student.