The "Work Horse" Life.

The finest way of traveling between New York City and Boston is by train.  Especially early in the morning. The train is very quiet. You can usually find a seat in which no one will sit next to you. And the prettiest part...  Watching the city slowly wake-up as you ease your way out from the tunnels and into Queens.

Being cast among the tall buildings of the city, I easily forget that a good portion of the five boroughs is nothing like the island. There are more trees. Not everything is within an arm's reach. You have more space to breathe.

For the past year, I have been living in a box. I'm not referring so much to my apartment. More to my habits. When I moved to NYC late last Summer, I immediately fell back into my old habit from the last time I had lived here in the early years of the new Millennium... I became a non-stop workaholic.

No surprise, for those of you who know me. I pretty much have lived to work since before I even graduated university. But both times that I have lived in NYC, I have taken it to extremes (for me).

It's something about this city where I instantly begin operating in the mentality of, "There's something that needs to be done NOW. Personal life can wait. I can just squeeze out a few more words here... A few more slides there... Oh I really want to see how these projections will change if we maybe think about focusing on the SEO piece more than the SEM.  Oh... You need those estimates NOW and you forgot to email me last week to do the? No problem. I can do it now."

I have done Bikram maybe 40 times in the past year. And that is being generous. My practice is the worst it's ever been. Forget teaching. I am exhausted by the time I get home from work, and can barely stay awake to Skype with my husband. I often forget to eat until late in the day, which is bad. But the moment I wake up, I am off and running to get things done.

The energy of the city just absorbs me and it's always "go-go-go!" I get lectures from my husband, Mum, friends and HR that I need to set a better example and take time for myself... Other than the 60 minute pedicure I get every two weeks. (Note: It's actually supposed to be a 90 minute pedicure... But the place I go, the ladies know I like it quick.) But it's just too easy to for me to draw satisfaction out of being needed that I allow myself to always being moving on to the next project right away.

I asked my Mum recently what I was like as a child. I've never been a person who needed affection, or really direct attention. So I was curious if maybe I outgrew that at one point. Had I been a normal needy (in a good way) person when I was a child?

My Mum thought about it for a second.

"You always had the attitude of 'here's the next thing do/sibling to come along, let's get things done/make room for them'."

I was, and still am, very protective of my family... Even though there has never been any reason to be. And growing up, my parents always seemed to leave me in charge when they were out, even though I had an older brother. It's not that he couldn't handle things - he could, but I just seemed eager for the responsibility.

And that mentality has stuck with me my entire life it seems. And when you mix it with a city like New York, work becomes the first priority by default and to an extreme. For me, it's hard to yank myself out of the "work pit." I get off on being needed.

So I need something to help restore balance. Since I can't seem to do it on my own. And I know what it is I need. Some of you already know. But details to come later this weekend.