Wait...Where's The Noise?

Starting from scratch... Kind of... Again.

Only this time it was different.

I went back to Bikram today. Here in Boston. Back where I started my practice nearly EIGHT years ago. It's a very disciplined Bikram community. And during class, I realized I hadn't had an honest class since well before teacher training. And that was over two years ago.

What made this class different? Well, there was no "noise" in my head. Let me elaborate...

While what I do for a living isn't rocket science (it's actually pretty logical, though many in my industry would disagree with me), and the clients are awesome... Over the past two years I have worked with people who like to make "noise." Noise that I can't block out, because I lack discipline.

Prior to leaving for training at the end of the Summer of 2010, I had to make sure I had everything lined up for my absence at work. This meant securing what I could in new business, making sure my team ad everything they needed to fill in for me, and that my boss felt secure with it all.

I worked up until two hours before I hopped on the plane to San Diego. And then while in San Diego, I took the occasional call from my boss to deal with employee issues and new business opportunities. I was technically on "sabbatical" and not being paid. But I was coming back. And I wanted to make sure I was welcomed back. So on top of sleepless nights, two 90-minute torture classes a day, hours of posture clinic, anatomy classes, lectures, having to learn 42 pages of dialogue verbatim, and late-night required movies... I had work issues filling my head.

This made for horrible classes. I never left the room. But I was internally angry. And I found ways to dodge and cheat my practice... Giving in to my thoughts. It was especially noticeable in any forward bend. Like Standing Head to Knee.

When I got back from training, I jumped into my old job... Only this time filling in for what ended up being a 6-month partial absence for my boss... And I taught Bikram classes. I also had to make up for lost time with The Husband.

So my practice stayed the same as it was at training: COMPLETE CRAP.

Though, I did teach beautiful classes.

But all that took a turn for the worse when I moved to NYC. Holy hell... Talk about "noise."

The moment I landed in that city, at my job... Talk about commotion!

I wish I could go into details. I really, really do Because I think it would be so helpful to many. But I really can't, other than to summarize with:
Never before have I had absorb so much negative energy from people projecting their lack of confidence in themselves.
It was all around me in that city.  And if you know me, I am all about lifting people up... So I went into overdrive trying to be super helpful. And I was. And it showed. But it took its toll on me. My mind. And especially my body... And my practice.

Fast-forward to this month... I move back to Boston. I put some distance between myself absorbing negativity on a daily basis. My mind is clearer. And the revelation came to me in a Bikram class this afternoon taught by a namesake who I used to practice next to when I lived here the first time.

"Holy shit! I'm not fidgeting! My heart is going crazy... But where is the urge to vomit each time I bend forward? And holy shit, am I actually doing Locust and Bow poses? I can't recall the last time I actually did both sets of those. HOLY SHIT!"

Small victories. Which will lead to much bigger ones. Because the noise is fading.