Snails... Just Like The Kardashians.

I freaking hate snails.

About a month ago, I was walking up to the door of the B-friend's place.  Because it had been damp out, there were four snails that I had to navigate around to get to his front door.

"Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!"

I banged on the door urgently, scared the snails were coming for me.

"What's wrong?" he asked when he opened the door.

I went inside and burrowed myself into his chest.

"SNAILS!" I cried.

Now... I know he's not a fan of the typical "scary freak out" reaction people have to things like spiders, roaches, clowns, Kim Kardashian...  But snails (more so than spiders, people) are my weak spot. Probably my weakest. 

He was annoyed. He isn't used to seeing me lose my shit over something. And I think he had me pegged - prior to this incident - as someone who didn't freak out like that.

I had him fooled.

Just like the snails had me fooled.

I thought that because this was sunny California, where (sadly) it doesn't rain much, I would never have to worry about the snails... As I had in Toronto. Well, one walk out into my back patio these past few days reminds me that not only do snails love Southern Cali too, they thrive in it.

Yesterday, as it was pouring, I counted five snails on my back patio.

This morning, I only counted three.


I had to get dangerously close to get this photo. Too close for my comfort.


I caught him just as he was getting ready to climb up my garden box.

And then there are a few tucked around, hiding, in cracks on my fence...


They best be moving their ass on from patio soon...


People have recommended a number of tactics to get rid of them. The thing is, though, I don't want to kill them. I recognize their right to exist. (Unlike spiders and clowns.) So I won't kill them. But I fear accidentally stepping on one and crushing it's little body and shell.

So really, it's more of a texture thing.

Yes... Just like other things that freak me out - salmon, hard-boiled eggs, cherry tomatoes, Jell-O - it comes down to texture.

((Shudders))

I welcome any recommendations for preventing them from coming into my space.