A Purge: Feeling The Feels.

Yesterday was just a day of purging. A lovely, lovely day of purging. Again, I attribute it as being after-effects from the Shamanic experience in Peru in July.  Vertigo... Dry mouth... My period... Peeing every hour... Sweating...

My body was needing a purge.

And it would only make sense that my first yoga class after being sick like that would also provide more purging.

True... A hot yoga class (90 minutes in 105+ temperature with humidity upwards of 40%) is meant to be one long purge for your body. But it very much purges your mind of all the crap you have hanging around it.... And even all the crap you didn't know was hanging around in it.

This was the case with my first class after being sick.

I felt stable - though not grounded - as I unrolled my mat in front of the mirror. Before class, I worked on opening up my hips. The sitting and laying down I had been doing needed to be released from my hip flexors.  Once class began, as always, I had good postures all through the first three asanas.

Then came the Balancing postures.

And that's where things got messy.

My Standing Head to Knee pose was well-formed, but as always I lacked the stamina to hold it. I always fall out. And I am much better at it on my left side than my right side.

I never let it discourage me though.

And normally I rock Standing Bow pose. It's one of my strongest. It always has been. It's a standing back bend, you'll notice when you break the pose down to see what it's working in you. And as with all back bends, it opens up your Solar Plexus and Heart chakras.

I stood on my left foot, right foot in hand, palm facing out. One arms stretched to the sky. Then I kicked into the palm holding my right foot. My toes started to rise away from my butt. My back started to arch. I stayed upright for a long as I could, then brought my body down parallel when I felt like I couldn't kick anymore standing straight up.

My left finger tips were shooting out in front of me, like an arrow. My left shoulder was touching my chin. My body was nicely balanced.

And I was crying.

And I didn't know why.

"Release it. Release it. Release it."

I collapsed out of the pose with just a few seconds left. Because I was standing in the front row, I didn't want to break down into full on sobs. So I held it in and did the second side of the posture. This time I let the tears fall out, and they did so gently.

I accepted that they needed to come out. Even though I d no idea why.

Afterwards, a nice calm came over me. I couldn't pinpoint what the emotion was that came out... But I knew it didn't matter.

Feelings are meant to be felt. Emotions are meant to pass through you. I don't know why I feel the things I do. But I know if I recognize they are there, and accept that they are there, they'll be productive and on their way for me.

Don't be afraid to "feel the feels," people.