My Journey.

It's very rare that I meet someone who is good at reading people well. I think for the most part, many of us are able to get along and understand where a person is coming from... And coexist in a space of mutual understanding and acceptance for who they are.

I give most humans the benefit of the doubt on that.

But then there are people who you only interact with in a limited connection who can look at your life and size you up precisely.

I haven't had anyone in a very long time be able to do this with me... If at all. But this week, I was sized up precisely and by someone who doesn't even actually know me.  We've never met in person. But share a similar network and had connected over social media on a casual basis.

They were congratulating me on a new role I've moved into at work. One that will be keeping me quite busy and on my toes.

"Thanks," I said. "I moved to the West Coast to settle into life and calm the fuck down. Not be so 'go-go-go' all of the time. So we'll see how this new role works out. I've done it before, for many years. But it's kind of why I moved away from the East Coast."

Their response to me...

"Yea, the problem for people like you is that is almost impossible to not keep advancing. As much as a simpler life is exceptionally appealing, your subconscious simply will not allow it. You were built to excel. You were built to adapt and to build value. You were built to impress and grow. While a simpler, calmer existence seems appealing, only the challenge of growing expectations and accomplishments will satiate your appetite for personal achievement."

They followed it up with, "I'm really happy for you! I have no doubt it is just the start of a new fantastic journey for you." 

Ever the optimist, they are. But they had me pegged well.

I've attempted to settle into life here in San Diego. And I do love it here. But form the moment I landed, I was always asking myself (at a subconscious level), "What's the next challenge?"

Buying a house. Gutting it. New jobs. New roles. More trips to the jungle. Banjo lessons. Weight training. Yoga. Writing and publishing... My days and weekends and vacation times are always booked full. I don't know that the "simpler existence" will ever be achievable for me. It has a romantic appeal to it. And I've always had this thought in the back of my head, "Once I get settled, I'll feel successful. I'll feel like a real grown up."

Well, at 38-and-almost-a-half, that has yet to happen.

I have had successes (for which I am grateful). I have had failures (for which I am even more grateful).  And I think what I have concluded is:

  1. I will never feel truly grown up.
  2. My curiosity will always drive me to new things and places.
  3. Anyone who gets in my way or tries to nail me down into a conventional life will get cut (out of my life).

These have been my journey. These will be my journey.