"It's just for a year," I keep saying to people when I tell them about splitting my time between Boston and Encinitas.
"I love Encinitas," I tell them, when when they ask if I am buying a place in Boston.
"No, I'm not going to rent out my house. Or AirBnB it," I say, when asked. Usually by someone who knows someone who wants to rent in Encinitas.
"No, I'm not getting rid of my car. I'll need it for the weeks I am back here each month," I tell family when they ask what I am doing with the car.
All of these questions are fair. This isn't a conventional life I'm leading. I'm just trying to mix up my energy for a year. Being away in Boston for the month of April made me appreciate everything I have in Encinitas so much more. I already did appreciate it. But the details and the vibrancy around me here were clearer after time away.
But all of these questions - repeated - were throwing me off my decision.
"Maybe I shouldn't spend so much time in Boston. Maybe this is crazy and too indulgent."
Those were thoughts running through my head repeatedly since a few days after coming back. I was starting to get nervous about my decision. And it was beginning to make me feel sick... A full feeling in my stomach that was weighing me down and making me feel guilty.
As I was packing yesterday - Sunday - I had the thoughts running through me.
"Why pack some of these things if I'm just going to have to bring them back in a year?"
I was already living in the future, rather than the moment and allowing myself to experience the "now."
Then, a knock at my door.
No one ever knocks at my door unless I am expecting them. I was hesitant to answer it. But the knock came a second time, and louder. I peeked through the window and saw a casually dressed men holding an envelope package.
I opened the door.
"Hey! I live at (the exact street number as mine, on a similar-sounding street) around the corner," he said. "They keep leaving packages for you at my place. Every time they do, I bring them over here in garden."
He seemed to feel guilty.
I look at the envelope. It's got my name and the correct street address. And I could feel a small square box inside.
"Sorry about that," I said. "It's marked correctly. I appreciate you bringing it over. I'll be sure to do the same if they ever bring your stuff to me."
He smiled, feeling visually better.
I closed the door and brought the package inside. I hadn't ordered anything. So it was confusing. But flipping the envelope over, there was a note written on the backside indicating it was a gift from a friend from high school.
Ah! I remembered him saying he was sending me something from an artist.
I opened it up to find a box of inspirational quotes from free thinkers - most psychonauts, like myself - on crafted square cards.
Created by an artist named Stacey Trottier, there was a large stack of cards. I pulled one out at random to see the message it had for me...
Exactly the message I needed, at exactly that moment.
The Universe is pretty amazing.
I finished packing quickly. And then headed to the beach to dip my toes in the water and to watch the Sun set for the evening.
Boston is just about working on my posture, for a little while. I've gotten too dull and hunched over.