Today… This moment - maybe?… I am going under a transit. A transit of Pluto square my Sun.
Mark - my astrologer - told me about it on my birthday this year, when I chatted with him for my annual reading.
“It’s a big one,” he said. And its strongest hit would come on June 29, 2019.
And like a diligent Activator type personality, I had it marked on my the proper page of my day planner…
A transit like this is one, from what Mark told me and also through my own research, forces me to make changes.
“It’s forcing you to look deeper into the core self,” he said. “Changes need to be made… physical things and behaviors.”
Things that aren’t in alignment with who I am at my core self… Those are the things that need to shift out, and failure to allow them to shift out makes life more difficult. “A process of eliminating what and who we are not,” I read online.
It’s a purge.
(And yes, part of me thinks I should have gone to Iquitos to do a week-long retreat on aya to help with this purge.)
A purge of the things that don’t fit.
“But how do I know if they don’t fit?” I had to ask myself in recent weeks.
And as I started to analyze that question and my surroundings I realized something… I started this shift and purge about two years ago… Innately. I’ve kept myself mostly isolated from others in deep connected ways. And I know now that it was preparation for this deep analysis of my Self.
“Maybe it’s not about deciding what doesn’t fit,” my Self said to me. “It actually about deciding what DOES fit.”
The other night, as I knew this day was approaching, I had a dream I was in a public bathroom of some kind, but with showers. And I was trying to find a shower that wasn’t occupied by someone else so that I could get clean. Even as I searched for one, pulling back curtains and finding it already taken, I was patient. I could wait a few minutes to cleanse myself… To get rid of whatever I needed to.
Flash forward to today… Where I decided to incorporate into my path something that I had wanted in it but was too afraid to go for: I started my day with a Stand Up Paddle Boarding lesson in a lagoon nearby.
At first, I had no idea why I wanted to do it. I’d tried it a couple of times five years ago in the Caribbean - on the ocean. And while I loved it, I knew I’d be afraid to go out on my own. I fell so many times, but it was something I envisioned doing regularly back when I was considering moving to here.
“I’ll move back west, and I’ll become one of those people who eats lots of avocados and paddle boards,” I’d said.
But I never did. (Unless you consider three avocados a week as “lots”.)
So yesterday, as I sat at my desk buried in an analysis I was compiling for work, the idea of giving SUP another try came into my mind. And I decided to see if I could book a lesson for this weekend. The instructor got back to me right away, and I had a time booked for 7am today minutes later.
So I found myself on a lagoon beach a dozen miles from my house in the early hours, getting instructions on how to handle everything from balancing… To turning gently and widely… To falling… But he said the most important thing I needed to remember was…
“Keep looking in the direction you want to go. Do not look down. And do not try to look back. You will go in the direction you look.”
Alrighty. Will do.
On the board. And in general.